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 a dangerous mind, tag: open
isaac irving
 Posted: Jul 25 2014, 02:47 PM
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No one knows what it's like to be the bad man... to be the sad man... behind blue eyes.
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He woke up unable to breathe. For a few moments, the room seemed too bright, almost blindingly so. At first, unsure of where he was, Isaac put a pillow over his head. It was then that it started to come back to him. The previous night and the fact that he had to rush to hospital… that they decided they would keep him in for the rest of the night to ensure he was fine. Of course he was fine. Some people just didn’t know how to handle their knives, that was all. Only part of his job he actively didn’t enjoy or encourage but bore with it anyway. He supposed it was one way of avoiding self harm. The brunet smirked as he rolled over and then had to bite the inside of his cheek to distract himself from the pain that shot up his side, lighting up his nerve endings in its wake. It stayed with him. It was a physical reminder of what he was worth. And that wasn’t a lot.

Tentatively, he reached underneath the hospital clothes – he never liked that aspect either, most of the time he could get away without staying the night – and touched the bandages. Ideally, he would like to stay in a reclined position for a little longer but he knew that he couldn’t fuck around; not only because of the fact that he hated the hospital. He also had a life, thank you very much. He reached to the button that called the nurse and explained that he wanted to check himself out and once he had his clothes back in his possession it was a bit better. His shirt was a little torn up and stained with blood but he didn’t really care. At least it didn’t smell of the hospital. Reaching to his pocket to get a cigarette out, he also found something that resembled a small piece of paper. Pulling it out first, he regarded it and then smiled at the name and the number written on there. It always has been quite amusing how the ladies clung to him while he was hundred percent gay. And while it was flattering, he felt quite bad for them. But he was sure that they could find someone eventually. Someone that could count for something.

Isaac himself has given up on having a relationship completely. He would have liked to have one but that shit never worked out. Considering his profession… he wasn’t exactly surprised. Things didn’t work out. Not for the lack of trying – he would try to keep his partners but he couldn’t ever win; if he wasn’t coming across as clingy, he was too distant and honestly, it was as if his personality was just fucking wrong.

It was like being a prostitute fucked everything up. Every relationship – no matter how romantic or not – screwed up. He was just waiting for his newly acquired friends to leave. While he wasn’t sure what he would do when that happened, he was convinced that it will, sooner or later. He didn’t want it to happen but it was better to be prepared. Finally, he fished out the packet of cigarettes out of his pocket before lighting one up.

Needing a break, he decided he would stay on the grounds for a little bit; he wasn’t in a major rush to get home and if anyone wanted him they all had his phone number, it wasn’t that hard to contact him. Granted, there were times where he would vanish off the face of the Earth but today wasn’t that kind of day.

He smiled anyway.

open :: 606 :: come play with him~::

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aubrey whitney
 Posted: Jul 26 2014, 06:32 PM
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i wish that you could see, all that's left of me. in this land of broken dreams, i still try to believe. i'm all right i'm all right. i don't mind if you don't mind. i'm all right
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aubrey whitney


 
STILL SMALL VOICE CALLING ME PLEASE JUST LET ME SLEEP
 
It had been inevitable really, the trip to the hospital. It had been far too long since his father had made such a journey necessary, and the apologies had been endless. The hot chocolate had been the first sign of his immense guilt, followed by an extra hard effort to stay sober for the rest of the day. In the end he’d managed to convince Aubrey that he needed to see a professional: for his part, Aubrey had always done what he could to avoid such a situation. After all, what if the nurses or the doctors saw something that made them ask questions? What if they guessed, and kept him in? What if the Police were called? He couldn’t bear it.

Aubrey couldn’t lose what was left of his family, and he didn’t think Andrew would take well to losing him, either. When Cheyenne had walked out on them both it had left a serious imprint on father and son, and Aubrey had been left with a family complex: he had to keep what little family he possessed together, or he couldn’t survive. He’d loved his mother deeply, idolised her and clung to her skirts as tightly as any child could- and when she’d left, it had torn his heart in two. To be told that a parent no longer loved you, that they had willingly abandoned you… it would hurt any child, but to have that accusation confirmed by said parent walking out on you and never once bothering to make contact afterward? It destroyed him.

So he kept close to Andrew, couldn’t bear to give him up no matter what happened. No matter how many bruises marred his skin, no matter how many fractures or breaks left him in agony, no matter how many times he found himself in the waiting room of the ER.

He would not… could not give up his family.

All he’d ever wanted was to be like the families on TV with their ‘ahhh bisto!’ moments and their smiling, happy dinners. He knew now that was never going to have happened, not really, not unless Andrew had been trying particularly hard and Cheyenne was feeling forgiving. And now there was simply no chance. He’d take what he could get now, and he was happy if he could just manage a quick takeaway with his father here and there.

It turned out he’d had a couple of broken ribs and one fractured. His excuse had, thankfully, been accepted and he walked away with a firmly secured set of bandages about his middle to help them set back into place, and a prescription for some pretty heavy painkillers. The superficial wounds had been patched up, and he’d been advised to go to the Police about the ‘mugging’. Assuring them it was being taken care of and that his dad was a Policeman, he managed to get out and into the car park. Then it was a quick text fired off to his dad to let him know he was ready to be picked up whenever he was ready (Andrew had had to go to work after dropping him off, but it was only a short stop for paperwork, he’d said… Aubrey had his suspicions) and then the wait.

He crossed the grounds, only to pause when he spotted a familiar face. Or rather, a familiar figure- as he spied Isaac from behind. Immediately his expression lit up; Isaac had babysat for him a few times growing up, both before and after his mother left, and usually only when Lou was unavailable. Still, he’d grown rather attached to the man, and it’d been simply too long.

Walking up behind him he grinned, leaning across (despite the pain, even dulled as it was by the painkillers the nurse had given him) to speak into his ear.

“Mind if I have one?”

Part of him doubted Isaac would share but that was fine, he didn’t really want one. He just craved a ‘cool’ entrance back into the mans life.

TAG: ISAAC / WORDS: 672 / NOTES:
 

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isaac irving
 Posted: Jul 30 2014, 04:14 PM
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No one knows what it's like to be the bad man... to be the sad man... behind blue eyes.
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isaac irving


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Calmly, he continued smoking for a while. It was better to be out here, in the somewhat fresh air, even though it still hurt like a bitch even to stand up straight. It must have gone just a tad too deep. When he thought about it, his client didn’t have the air of an experienced dominant about him, not really. He must have been just someone that wanted to try something new. And it wasn’t as if Isaac was always experienced, so he understood. And he preferred for it to be him, rather than someone who was starting in the business. He’d already had a few scars so it didn’t really matter. Not like he was planning to become a model.

Though that was probably the sort of a career that his mother had imagined for him; he always had a pretty face and big blue eyes. He roughly remembered her trying to enter him to various competitions back when she cared. Not that she didn’t care later; no. It was his fault entirely for trying to be a rebellious teenager. Now he could see that all she wanted was for him to make something of himself.

He knew he disappointed her and he didn’t take well to that, but he had to live with it nonetheless. It’s been a good few years since she died, not like he could try to please a ghost. Sometimes, he liked to entertain the thought that she was looking over him though then he felt guilt wash over him – he was afraid he wasn’t good enough to be going around calling himself her son. She always tried to help him out in whatever way she could and tried the hardest to accept his choices… though upon learning that he was gay there was a slight resentment towards him, he could feel it. It wasn’t as though he could help it any, he was just born that way. And it wasn’t as though he didn’t try; it was for his mother’s sake that he slept with Madison in the first place. He wanted to right himself… it was then that his nightmares were at their worst. Well, at least in his teenage years. The desire to make his mother proud overpowered everything and he honestly tried to make himself fall in love with a woman… but just looking at nude photos of women disgusted him. Even then, he still tried.

There was no way he could help it. And that was the thing that drove him over the edge back then. He just felt so immensely wrong… The only thing that saved him from going all the way was the fact that he had to leave his hometown. On one hand, he was grateful. On the other… not so much. He then commenced to throw himself into the lovely industry that he worked in to this day. Occasionally, he would babysit… but it didn’t help as much. Because knowing that he was worth enough to be fucked… it made him feel like he meant something. Even though he quickly learnt that none of his clients would actually care about him, as a person. They all looked for a break, a young body to fuck. But he didn’t care.

Sometimes, he still feels disgusted with himself when he looks into a mirror. Especially now, especially with what his feelings were doing to him. It felt as though someone took a white-hot coal poker and stabbed it through his heart.

The babysitting however… it was nice enough. He was always upbeat and happy, no matter how bad the bags under his eyes were. There was this one kid that he would babysit sometimes… and though it wasn’t all that often, he would enjoy being in the small blonde’s company. He was a bouncy, happy child and it was always awesome to be around him. Funnily enough it was him that helped Isaac sleep on some occasions and there were actually times when he wondered how it’d feel to be a father. Not anymore though.

Caught up in his thoughts, he didn’t realise that there was someone coming up behind him until he’d heard the voice in his ear and it almost made him jump. Almost. He tensed up and only relaxed when he saw a strangely familiar face. It took him about a minute to put it to a name… Funny as it was, it was Aubrey – the blonde kid’s grown to stand at five foot something. He couldn’t be too short, not if he barely had to look up to talk to Isaac. Finally, he turned around, his eyebrow raised as he brought the cigarette back to his lips and inhaled on the smoke.

“No way, they’re bad for you. I will not be encouraging underage smoking.” He responded with a grin on his face. The boy always made him feel happy; there was a really damn positive aura about him. And Isaac was grateful to have him reintroduced into his life. It has been a good few years since they last saw each other, Isaac has since given up on even trying babysitting – there have been some other kids but none of them were as behaved or as nice to be around as Aubrey was. “You’re looking a bit pale, everything alright? Or are you just not a fan of the sun?” He said to the kid… Actually, no. The teen. He was a teenager now... How strange.

Dammit. He was getting old.

With that thought, he chuckled. If Dominic only heard his musings, he would not be impressed, considering the fact that he was older than Isaac. Oh, catastrophe. Isaac ran a hand through his hair before taking another drag of his cigarette, inhaling and keeping the smoke in for a couple of seconds.

“Well, since I’ve ran into you… wanna go grab some lunch and catch up? Haven’t seen you in a few years, I gotta keep my tabs updated after all.”

aubrey :: 1000 :: o_o holy shit he can talk a lot ::

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aubrey whitney
 Posted: Aug 14 2014, 09:14 AM
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i wish that you could see, all that's left of me. in this land of broken dreams, i still try to believe. i'm all right i'm all right. i don't mind if you don't mind. i'm all right
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aubrey whitney


 
STILL SMALL VOICE CALLING ME PLEASE JUST LET ME SLEEP
 
“Fine, fine… whatever! Kill my fun why don’t you.” He couldn’t help but grin back, far too excited at the prospect of having found Isaac again to really care about anything like feigned upset- and now he really was sure it was really Isaac. For a second, he’d been uncertain, ready to chalk it up to a similar hairstyle or dress sense but something inside had told him it really had been his old babysitter. Well, one of two; as a kid he’d been passed between Eloise and Isaac, though after a while Isaac had gotten too busy with his other job (whatever that was) and he’d started seeing a lot more of Eloise. Not that he really minded, he adored Lou and it meant more time with Bailey but he really had loved Isaac as a kid. Hell, it could be said that he’d had quite the influence on Aubrey during his formative years.

He just hoped the man would stick around now; he needed someone like him back in his life. He’d never been happier than back in the years when Isaac was one of his primary caretakers- his dad had drunk less and while he’d still had his moments, they were fewer than presently… and his mother was still around. Those had been good times. He missed them dearly, now.

“You’re looking a bit pale, everything alright? Or are you just not a fan of the sun?”

He gave him an out, even with his questioning- an easy excuse to give and wave it off, but he found himself unable to do so. With everyone else he laughed it off, shrugged and just explained it away as clumsiness or not wanting to swim in case he got burned in the sun; so many opportunities wasted because of a lie, because he was scared… of losing his family? Or of being judged? Sometimes it was hard to know the difference. One thing was for sure, he didn’t want to be without Andrew.

So, while he felt an unusual urge to tell Isaac the truth, to confide in him as he’d done as a small child (though even then, he’d never told him the truth, never gone further than to say that ‘daddy was stressed,’ as per cheyenne’s advice and instruction. Everything he’d learned about keeping it a secret and why he had to, he’d learned from her own caution)- he kept the majority of it secret. Decided to give the same account he’d given the hospital.

“I got mugged,” he ‘admitted’, managing an awkward smile. “Jokes on them though, I had nothing on me worth stealing- phones dodgy and I had no money. So they decided to just break a few ribs instead… beat me up pretty bad but eh, still got my phone- and now I’ve got some of those awesome painkillers that make you high so whatever.” He grinned, though it was dampened slightly by a twinge in his side that had it turn more into a grimace.

“Not great though. What were you here for? You okay?”

He was about to decline the offer of lunch on account of waiting for Andrew- he couldn’t very well follow up his ‘come and get me’ text with a ‘nevermind’ now could he? It’d just be rude, and anyway… they rarely got to spend much time together these days, he had to treasure it. “Well, I’d like to, but-” He paused as a text alert came through, and upon reading it, he sighed. Delayed. By work? Or something else… Sending back a quick ‘don’t worry, with a friend,’ he looked up at Isaac, grin already back in place. “Sod it. Dad’s busy with work anyway, got anywhere in mind? I’m starving. And y’know, I missed you and stuff.”

While he phrased it as a typical teenage, stand-offish kind of approach to emotion- the truth of it was in the beaming smile: he really had missed Isaac, and he couldn’t believe his luck in finding him again.

TAG: ISAAC / WORDS: 668 / NOTES:
 

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isaac irving
 Posted: Aug 19 2014, 04:47 PM
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No one knows what it's like to be the bad man... to be the sad man... behind blue eyes.
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isaac irving


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“Fine, fine… whatever! Kill my fun why don’t you.”

His lips curling up into a smirk, Isaac lifted an eyebrow at Aubrey’s claim.

“You’d be surprised but I do have principles,” he laughed. He was cut off by the pain radiating from his side before he chuckled some more, in an attempt to mask it. It wasn’t a big deal; he’d done it before… though there was something about being around Aubrey that made him want to be sincere with the kid. It dated back to when he used to babysit him and didn’t go away, apparently. But he was all too caught up in the blonde’s innocence to start tarnishing it. He never intended to tell him what his job was, not if he could help it… after all, out of the Whitney family, only Cheyenne knew what he spent his time doing. And somehow she was fine with him babysitting her child. Isaac could only speculate as to why exactly she agreed to it but he was grateful, considering how much having Aubrey in his life helped him.

The scrawny blonde had an aura that could fill up a room with joy and honestly, Isaac wished that he was capable of something similar. Instead, he tried with every ounce of his energy to fix everyone else’s problems… that wasn’t too bad, he supposed.

His profession needed him to be secretive, so he gave Aubrey an excuse in his questioning without even thinking it – all too used to the roundabout way things happened around him nowadays. His eyebrows creased at Aubrey’s admission, suddenly feeling protective of the teenager. Oh god, here go the paternal instincts again. Honestly, he didn’t know what it was about the kid that brought that on, but there they were.

“Fucking London. This is exactly why we should all live in Brighton. It has a beach and the crime rate is nowhere as high as in here.” He said, before looking up to the sky. He had another drag of his cigarette and flicked the ash. It was the strangest coincidence, when he thought about it. But even still, it was a happy one.

“Not great though. What were you here for? You okay?”

“You made it sound a little like we just got out of jail… fine, I’m fine. Had to break up a fight at work and, as you always do, got a bit wounded in the process. It’s all skin deep though, few days and I’ll be all healed up.” He lied smoothly. He watched Aubrey as he pulled out his phone and typed out a text, tapping his chin with his forefinger. “Yeah, missed you too.” He responded, smiling at the teen. “Fancy anything in particular? Hospital food is shitty... and we really need to get out of here.”

aubrey :: 468 :: :D ::


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aubrey whitney
 Posted: Oct 19 2014, 01:01 PM
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i wish that you could see, all that's left of me. in this land of broken dreams, i still try to believe. i'm all right i'm all right. i don't mind if you don't mind. i'm all right
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aubrey whitney


 
STILL SMALL VOICE CALLING ME PLEASE JUST LET ME SLEEP
 
“Nah, not really. You always endeavoured to get me in bed on time and that’s more than can be said for most.”

It was hard not to smile, to let the happiness he felt at seeing his old babysitter again radiate through his expression. Even playing at being serious felt awkward and difficult, and he stopped trying. He was overjoyed to see Isaac again, had thought the man would never come back into his life and he responded much like a dog might at seeing a long-lost friend: all happiness and genuine excitement. It offset everything else, the worry that his father’s hand in his injuries might be discovered- the anxiety that when he returned home the experience would repeat once Andrew picked up a glass of whiskey… none of it mattered now he had Isaac again.

Though how long would it last? Was this a permanent reunion or one that would be short and bittersweet before Isaac vanished from his life once more? He didn’t dare dwell on it. Live in the moment, savour it while it lasted.

You never truly appreciated something until you’d lost it, and he didn’t want to repeat that mistake.

“Brighton huh? Can’t see Dad going for that somehow.” He managed a wry smile. They both knew what Andrew Whitney was like with things like that. He’d never been particularly horrible to Isaac, but he had been quite awkward when little Aubrey had announced his sudden desire to dress as a Princess one Halloween. He’d always been quite an effeminate, soft child… probably out of submission to Andrew’s overbearing dominance. In some ways that part of him remained, but the sass and the confidence had grown a little as he aged.

“It’s basically the same,” he waved a dismissive hand- laughing again. “You’re confined to one spot, forced to wear a kind of uniform and the foods terrible.” Isaac’s story was easily bought. He had no reason to disbelieve him, no knowledge of what the man truly did for a living now, though he’d certainly be asking later. It was all part of catching up with an old friend, after all. It was odd… talking to someone who’d essentially been a kind of third parent while growing up on equal terms, but somehow it came naturally.

Aubrey had never been particularly good at decision making, though, and when Isaac prompted him to choose somewhere to go he made a face. “I suppose you still dislike Mcdonalds?”

TAG: ISAAC / WORDS: 412 / NOTES:
 

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isaac irving
 Posted: Nov 16 2014, 06:36 AM
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No one knows what it's like to be the bad man... to be the sad man... behind blue eyes.
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isaac irving


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Isaac had another drag of his cigarette.

“I did... I tried my best.” He grinned, running a hand through his hair. He reached to Aubrey’s hair in order to mess it up further – about the only thing he would actually mess up, considering his predicament. He didn’t pay much mind to it, all too wrapped up in the fact that he was seeing the blonde again – it has been years since they’ve last interacted. And Isaac missed his little friend, especially considering the things life threw at him after they parted. Thankfully however, he’d come across him again.

“Good point...” Over the course of his babysitting of Aubrey, Isaac learnt that Andrew Whitney wasn’t exactly the most accepting of people and Brighton... well, Brighton has always been gay central. Never sure if Andrew actually knew of his preferences, Isaac kept himself well guarded – it wasn’t as though his experiences were the friendliest of all. “Ditch him and come back to Brighton with me?” He joked before having one last drag of his cigarette before putting it out. “Would be cool...”

He hasn’t been to his hometown in a long while... And he had to admit that he missed it, he missed the beach, the openness of people, the accepting atmosphere – even though there were a few crimes here and there but it wasn’t nearly as bad as London could be. But his life was here now. His job, his friends... He couldn’t go back on himself now, not really. Things were all too complicated; he had too much to do here. Too much he needed to be here for. He looked to Aubrey, the comment amusing him.

“Yeah... It sounds about the same.” He smiled, running a hand through his hair briefly. “You know I despise McDonalds...” He murmured with a raised eyebrow. “We can maybe to to TGI Friday’s? There’s bound to be one around here...”

aubrey :: 317 :: c: ::

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